An unlikely inter-generational relationship of trust, caring, bliss, and wonder is possible

Why do we play foolish games with ourselves, and realize the importance and value of the love we are blessed with, only after actually losing it, or getting pretty close to that? If we are lucky, we realize in time to check ourselves, but I have seen so many who have not, and I too got dangerously close to that calamity!

I shall not honey coat our love story with the ideal fancies of roses and champagne and Instagram perfect pictures, because our ‘love story’ is not just that side of the coin.

Aditya and I have a very beautiful bond. It’s a love that happens once in a lifetime, a love I had never experienced or knew was possible before I met him. But no matter how deep or profound, love needs sustenance, it needs to be fed by the lovers. And in that I have strayed many times, each time ripping up a little bit, the intimacy that binds us together.

I did it because I was just like most others from the community my age. I was too mesmerized by an illusory world of fantastical ‘role-models’ with ideal bodies, ideal lives, ideal relationships, and perfect lives, that glowed perpetually in the glitter of flashlight and glamour. It drove me towards seeking momentary excitement from things equally illusive. That this illusion is contrived, I only realized when I came close to losing the love that is the best thing that ever happened to me.

In the process, I hurt him, hurt the relationship; stayed blind to the truth of it all, the truth that actually matters.

The truth is that I am 28 and he is 49 and yet we have successfully developed a love, an intimacy, a depth inexpressible in words. That is the only truth and the rest is a charade based on an unreal fantasy fed by people and a system whose job is to thrive off such illusions. Wishes for anniversary gifts, expensive wine, exotic travels, glittering socializing, flashy social media PR, are all fantasies, mere superficial embellishments of a fancy charade we play into and befool ourselves with.

And thus I failed to see that the truth is what we resonate when we hold each other and sleep each night, the sleepless nights he spends caring for me when I am sick, the support I give for his lifelong dreams, the nonverbal communication that only we are capable of with each other, the sense of security and fulfillment that we feel when we have the other as an anchor. No amount of riches and fancy things, no amount of glitter and glamour, can sustain or create that.

In 2015, he was just a passer-by in Delhi pride, who had come up and politely asked permission to click a picture of mine. In 2016, we had our first movie outing, call it our first date. In 2017, many more outings followed and we had some interesting nightlong talks. In 2018, he proposed.

I wasn’t sure. I still wanted the illusion more than reality. However, deep down somewhere, I knew that we shared a deep familiarity and understanding. I instinctively understood that this had the potential to create an intermingling of our energies and help us become one. I felt that wonder and fulfillment, comfort and bliss, was possible with each other. But my entanglement with the illusory, the fantastical, the unachievable, and the unreal, provided resistance.

Yet I was eager to change and give love a chance. I, therefore, opened myself to receive all the help I could in recognizing the love knocking at my doorstep. The beauty that exists today, the beauty and unexplainable happiness that resonates in our lives today and often gets reflected in our pictures together, was thus gradually created with patience, time, understanding, and lots of love that was nurtured.

But it must be remembered that love is not a one-time investment that yields constant returns. It must be remembered that it needs constant nurturing of the beautiful things one is blessed with, and a vigilant weeding out of the unwanted. Most importantly, it thrives only on accepting the truth and turning away from the fantastical, on acknowledging the naked reality of the love we bear for each other and remembering it every second of our life.

When this awareness and nurturing becomes as unconscious a process as breathing, everything else follows effortlessly. Trust me, I have seen that an unlikely inter-generational unbelievable relationship of trust, caring, bliss, and wonder is possible. I have seen that love can happen. I see it every moment of every day.

-Kaushik Dowerah